


I thought I'd killed you

by lilacsupreme



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse
Genre: Angst, F/F, Near Death, apocalypse!mina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:14:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29024787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilacsupreme/pseuds/lilacsupreme
Summary: “Please don’t cry.”Wilhemina has to deal with the possibilty of loosing you, which shocks her to finally tell you how she feels.
Relationships: Wilhemina Venable/You, wilhemina venable/reader
Kudos: 18





	I thought I'd killed you

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't figured out how to add italics- or if that is even possible on here, so bear with me. There is a flashback, and its separated by the lines i guess :))  
> Anywayyy I hope you enjoy and of course a disclaimer: I do not own these characters!!

“Please don’t cry.”

It was unnerving to see Wilhemina crying so openly in front of you. She was usually so against such displays of vivid emotion. Seeing her shoulders shaking as tears tracked down her cheeks shocked you into action, scrambling up from where you’d been on the floor, hands coming up to cup her face and thumbs brushing the tears that had gathered on her closed eyelashes.

You’d never seen your girlfriend cry once in your time at the outpost; not even when her back made it impossible for her to move, her eyes screwed shut in pain, and you had to do everything for her. It both shocked and worried you to see her in such a state. Her normally perfect hair was tousled as if she’d tugged at it in anguish, and she’d clearly been crying for a while before you’d woken, eyes puffy and red.

Your voice and touch made her head jerk up to meet yours, her eyes widened in shock. She looked terrified, as if she could barely believe you were there, stood in front of her. She reached out to touch your face, pausing slightly before she touched you, before tracing your features with shaking hands.

“You’re alive” she gasped out, tears still flowing freely of which she made no attempt to wipe away. “You’re alive” she repeated, as if confirming it to herself, nodding her head and then shaking it. A strangled sob left her lips as she broke down again, clutching at you as if you’d simply disappear between her fingers.

“Of course I’m alive baby. What happened? Where’s your cane?” You moved to support her weight to relieve the pressure on her back, not knowing where to find her cane for her. Her sob turned to a momentary peal of laughter, before she returned to crying again, face turning away. Confused and slightly scared at her erratic changing of moods, you forced her to face you; leaning your forehead against hers and staring into her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” you whispered, hands moving to smooth down her tussled hair. She let your comb your fingers though it, leaning her weight against you and letting her head rest in the crook of your neck. Her gasping sobs turned to frequent sniffles, which in time turned to slight hiccups and deep breaths. You’d lead her to the edge of the bed, keeping the embrace and your tight grip around her frame as you’d settled down.

“I thought you’d died.” She paused, drawing a shaky breath and still clutching the fabric of your skirt into her hands, “I thought I’d killed you” she breathed against your neck.

___________

Wilhemina followed Mead out of the common room, nose scrunched in disgust at the putrid stench of vomit that lingered in the air. The apple clutched in her palm was discarded on a box at the end of the corridor, as she parted with Mead.

“You deal with Langdon. You know what to do”. Mead nodded, turning and leaving Mina alone in the corridor. Glancing back once more towards the common room with a smirk, she nodded to herself before starting towards your shared room, eager to remind you of the rule you’d ‘broken’ at the dinner table that morning. The rule broken in question was in fact made up, but Wilhemina knew that you loved being punished just as much as she enjoyed doing it. You were always happy enough to act like you’d disobeyed her when she prompted it.

She’d thrown the door open, expecting you to be sat atop the bed, awaiting her arrival like she’d taught you to do when your relationship had started. When you were not there, she called out for you, in case you’d hidden to frighten her. No, you wouldn’t have repeated those actions after the last time you’d pulled that trick with her. She shivered at the thought of you bound on the bed before her at her mercy.

Pushing the image out of her brain, worry suddenly spiked within her. What if you went to find her and saw the common room? She knew you had a soft spot for most of the people that now lay on the floor dead; knew that you never honestly disliked anyone in the outpost. Not enough to enjoy finding them sprawled out dead in their own sick.

“Y/n?” she called out softly, eyes searching for signs of you down the deserted corridor. Upon hearing the echoing silence as an answer, she hurried towards where she feared you’d be. Nearing the turn of the corridor a muffled thump caught her attention ahead of her, and she hurried towards it, unease prickling up the skin of her arms.

She stopped in her tracks as she came to see your crumpled form two thirds of the way down the staircase, a cry getting stuck in her throat at the sight of the apple which had rolled to the bottom of the stairs. She hiked the hem of her dress into her hand and descended upon you as fast as her cane would allow.

“No no no no, Y/n what have you done?” she gasped, hand coming to tilt your head towards her. The foam at your mouth was still frothing, face muscles still twitching in reaction to the fatal poison you’d consumed. ‘Oh god, what have I done?’ she thought, looking around at the blue lips and whitened skin of the other bodies in the room. She could not let that happen to you.

Wilhemina let her cane clatter to the ground roughly and wrapped her arms hastily around your body like a parent would for an infant. Although your frame was small, her back still screamed at her in protest when she made to stand up with you in her arms. She steadied herself with a hand on the beam, ignoring her back, jaw set but face stricken with worry at the way your head lolled with nothing to support it, arms flailed to the side dramatically.

Mina let a low continuous groan of pain as she ascended the stairs, teeth gritted, every movement feeling like bolts of electricity were being forced up her spine. She hadn’t realised she’d begun to cry until the droplets splashed off her cheeks and onto your frail body beneath. It was impossible to determine whether it was the pain that drew them or the deep gutting fear that you might die here, in her arms, and that it would be her fault.

“Y/n, Y/n baby. Stay with me okay, listen to my- argghh- voice” her breathing now laboured and knees threatening to buckle beneath her, she pushed on down the corridor to your room. “Please don’t- Oh God, please don’t die.”

Once in the room she unceremoniously dumped you onto the floor, not having the time for the luxury of the gentleness she’d shown you on the stairs. Rifling through her draw, showing no regard for messing up her usually impeccably organised belongings until she found the small vile and needle she was looking for. Practically falling to her knees by her side; back now throbbing to the heightened beating of her heart, she took the needle between her teeth and shakily drew the contents of the vile into the syringe. Attempting to calm her trembling hands, she lined the needle up to the bend of your elbow, sliding it into your delicate skin and guiding the liquid into your veins.

Breathing a sigh of relief, she removed the needle and discarded it to the side. She positioned herself so her back was against the bed, guiding your head to rest in her lap and allowing her better access to check your temperature with the back of her clammy hand. Her fingers stroked through your hair, nails lightly grazing over the skin of your scalp the way she knew you loved.

“I love you; you know. I know I never say it to you even when you say it to me, but I do.” Her hand stilled on your hair, voice wavering slightly as she confessed, staring at your closed eyes with tears in her own. “And I’m so sorry baby that I never told you. I’m so sorry that you may die never knowing how much you mean to me”. Leaning to press a kiss to your damp forehead, she rocked you, cradling you again as close to herself as she could.

“I don’t want to be alone again. Please don’t leave me!”

A strangled cry escaped her parted lips when she kissed you, realising she could no longer see the rise and fall of your chest on her lap. She’d killed you. Oh my god she’d killed you. Laced the apple with the poison that stilled the blood in your veins. Her tears dripped from her chin and splashed onto your face, which she hastily wiped away, not wanting to taint you any further than you already had been.

Adjusting your body so you now lay completely on the floor, hands together on your torso, she rose to her feet using the bed as an aid. Still crying, clutching the bed and then the wall for support, not giving a damn about the lack of her cane, barely able to breathe through her gasping sobs. Her cries were loud, no one left to hear her anguish.

Miriam however, heard her from down the corridor, the wails carrying all the way to where she and Michael Langdon were plotting together. “Will you go and shut her up? I can barely concentrate as it is and-what the fuck is she crying about” he stated, hand pressed exasperatedly into his temple as she started off without the weapon. “Take. The. Gun. For crying out loud” he paused. “Quite literally it appears” chuckling as Miriam sauntered away.

She knocked at the door, poking her head round when she received no answer. Upon seeing Wilhelmina at the wall, head against it with no cane, you on the floor, she pocketed the gun she’d held up. Seeing the woman in such pain, stopped her from being able to kill her. They had been allies once; and in Wilhemina’s current bereavement, she simply could not bring herself to complete the task.

Coughing, she brought her presence to the other woman’s attention, who violently swung her head round, eyes ablaze with anger. “Get out Mead” she spoke calmly, eyes black with hatred for the woman who’d aided in your death. When Miriam did not budge, Mina snapped, crying suddenly not enough for the rage that clouded her vision. “GET OUT OF MY SIGHT OR I’LL KILL YOU GODDAMMNIT” she reached for a vase that rested peacefully on the dresser beside her. Miriam saw her do this, ducking behind the door and snapping it closed as the vase shattered upon impact.

She’d returned to face the wall again, sobs becoming audible again as she pulled at the already loosened hair of her do. She was too distracted to notice you stir behind her, busy furiously wiping tears that were then immediately replaced when her hand was removed. Your eyes opened, squinting groggily around the room, focusing on Wilhemina leant against the wall, and becoming fully conscious at her distress.

You scrambled to get up, holding the bed frame for support, still slightly disorientated in your haste to comfort your girlfriend. Standing beside her; the older woman still unaware of your presence, you reach out to cup her face slowly, speaking as you did so.

“Please don’t cry.”  
\-----------

“You thought you’d – Baby why would you have killed me?” searching her eyes for answers you couldn’t find, you settled for simply holding her against your body again, rocking her and hushing her occasional gasps. She ignored the question, instead asking her own, voice lower and you could tell she was on the verge of crying again by the way it wavered.

“Why did you eat the apple?”

“I don’t know” you stammered, not quite remembering what had made you eat the apple you’d found in the corridor. “I wasn’t thinking and then I went into the common room and- Oh my god” you stopped, hand pressed to your open mouth as you recalled seeing everyone lying on the ground from your vantage point at the stair top before you yourself started coughing and choking.

“What happened to them? Are they okay? Are they all dead?” you choked out, breathing becoming ragged as you panicked for your fellow Outpost residents. You felt Mina nod against you; blinking your tears away harshly as you tried to piece things together in your still fragile mind.

“So the apples killed them?” you concluded, head turning to hers and finding blackened eyes staring back. She explained how she and Mead had laced the apples and given them under the pretence of them being a gift from the Cooperative, and how she needed a reason to present the apples to the residents.

“The party was the perfect distraction really” she mused, fingers tapping against your leg.

“That’s why you wanted me to stay in the room and not go to the party. You felt bad for having to kill them and you didn’t want me to see that” it all clicked in your head, hand coming to stop her incessant tapping by tangling her fidgeting fingers between your own.

“No. I didn’t feel bad. I just did not want you to see, and not want to come to the Sanctuary with me. I didn’t want you to hate me. I couldn’t lose you.” Her face was set and unwavering at the confession, showing no regret for her actions.

“They didn’t deserve to die Mina.” Your voice was low; warning, at her indifferent attitude towards her merciless killing of the people you’d come to think of as friends. She shook her head at your statement, fingers picking a stray thread at the hem of your sleeve.

“It wouldn’t have mattered anyway. The sanctuary could never take all of us.”

You both sat in silence, neither comfortable nor uncomfortable as you just embraced the fact you still had each other to hold. Once a sufficient amount of time had passed, and the silence became suffocating, Wilhemina spoke again. This time her voice was quiet, gentle and filled with something you couldn’t quite place as she explained how she returned to the room only to find it empty and had panicked.

You interrupted her at that, somehow feeling the need to explain why you hadn’t been in the room like she’d explicitly asked of you before departing. “I was in the dining room. You never said I couldn’t leave to get myself a drink.”

“It’s okay.”

“But then I found you on the stairs and your mouth was foaming and I thought you were going to die and I was so scared Y/N.” she rambled, stopping to breathe heavily, hands clasping yours in a vice like grip, releasing them when she realised. You let her continue, nodding to show her to go on and that you were right there.

“I’d hidden the antidote here in our room because I suspected that someone had been snooping around; so I carried you from the common room-”

“But Mina your back-” you interrupted, worried with how carrying you all that distance would have put immense strain on her fragile back. “You shouldn’t have done that” scolding her slightly, tears pooling in your own eyes at the thought of her suffering. Your hand danced up her back, watching for any signs of discomfort in her eyes, relaxing when she seemed to not be in too much pain. She shuffled up so you were facing each other again, and she grasped your hands in her own.

“Y/n don’t you understand? I’d break my back one hundred times if it meant saving you.”

Despite feeling betrayed at what your girlfriend had done to your fellow Outpost residents earlier that evening, you couldn’t help but warm up at her confession. You leaned in to kiss her, lips pressed together tightly as you felt her hands pull at your waist. Allowing the kiss to deepen you let yourself melt into her touch, cheeks still wet where tears had fallen, before she pulled away slowly, her face lingering close to yours.

“I was so scared that you were gone sweetheart.” Her voice broke, and you touched your nose to hers as encouragement for her to continue. “You’re the best of me – And I could never live with myself if I had been the cause for your death” you silenced her with another brief kiss.

“Shhh don’t talk like that. I’m here, okay. I’m alive, and I love you Wilhemina Venable. I love you!” she laughed, wiping her eyes and running her thumb over your cheek, cocking her head to look at her through softened eyes.

“I love you too Y/n. I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :) i really hope you liked it,, and feel free to leave kudos or request any other Paulson characters or ships <3


End file.
